Ignore this

I just found out I probably failed two of my classes, possibly three. I knew it was possible, I got one, two and two and a hlf month extensions on the work from four courses, but those deadlines passed and I only completed one couse, and did a little bit of work for the other three. That's around four thousand dollars worth of courses down the drain. These are of couse some of my most hated courses, but that's no excuse, I just have some sort of mental block that keeps me from having any motivation to get this stuff done. I just want it to magically dissapear. I'm now midway through another 15 semster hour semester, working 20 to 30 hours a weak, I don't have the time to do this stuff. Of course, that's not really true, I've wasted hundreds of hours between when I should have done the work and now.

Right now I feel a bit of panic and resignation, I don't want to deal with this right now. However, I've told my parents who contributed most of the money required to take these classes, that I finished all my work months ago. I didn't deal with this long ago because I din't want to, it was too stressful and I didn't want it to drag me down. Now I have to face it and its a much more stressful situation that's much more likely to drag me down. I don't even know where to begin, what to do. I should try and get work down and contact the appropriate people to see if I can get an additional, not to mention a rediculous, amount of grace. However, I'm so far from being done all the work. I should cut my losses and forget about a class or two, but then I have to dissapoint my parents. They'll probably refuse to help me next semester, make me come back to live with them in a country I've managed to avoid for twenty years, away from my freinds and real women.

I guess I just have to tell myself that everything will be alright in the end. It's not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things. But it might be that thinking that got me in this here in the first place. At this moment it is a big deal and I can't keep doing whatever it is I'm doing. Sure I've got some excuses, but I think they gave out a while ago, and they don't give me an excuse for not trying.

I don't know.