I'm a twisted pretzel

I wish I was in a cartoon soap opera
it would be soft but exciting
it would never be real drama and because of the cartoon element there would be a happy ending ever half hour and because of the soap opera part everybody would be attractive
right now my life is tiring but boring, conflicts are always messy and don't necessarily end happily, I want to be able to laugh about getting an anvil dropped on me and makeout with the hot secretary of my brothers wife all in an hour
too bad dreams don't come true